9/29/10

Woe! It’s Wednesday

We recently celebrated 33 years of wedded bliss. It’s a joke in the family, usually said during a disagreement, “Yep, (#) years of wedded bliss.”

We really do have a good marriage. I know I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband who loves me enough to lay down his life for me, who would do anything I asked of him, and who is a loving father and grandfather.

Some of our friends have not experienced happy marriages. More and more are either divorcing or resigning themselves to the fact that this is as good as it gets.

After 33 years, I’ve noticed some common denominators in less-than-blissful marriages.

I’d like to share some of them, but with a huge caveat.

I’m not a psychologist, counselor, or anything. I’m just a wife with a great husband and friends who share their journey with me.

If you and your spouse have any of these indicators, it does not mean your marriage is in trouble. But if you feel it’s an issue, I urge you to talk to your spouse and get some professional guidance from a counselor or pastor.

1) Money.  If a husband controls the purse strings and doles out an allowance for running the house, it’s a big red flag. A friend once told me, “My husband can’t give me enough money for groceries, so I’m starting a craft business to help him make ends meet.” This man wore expensive suits. I would have suggested he shop at Target instead of Nordstrom and put some food on the table.

2) Control. Money and control are closely related, but when I hear a woman say, “My husband said he doesn’t mind if I meet you for coffee next week,” another warning buzzer sounds. For big commitments, sure, we need to run them past our spouses. But if s/he wants to know what you’re doing every second of every day, and then give consent – that’s not a good thing.

3) Friends. If you don’t have any couple friends in common, I think that’s a biggie. A girlfriend whose husband recently left her mentioned a few months ago that they had lost touch with all their couple friends and there was no one in her husband’s life to keep him accountable and to point out that maybe he was spending too much time away from home.

Which segues into …

4) Common interests. If you spend your weekends and vacations doing your own thing apart and don’t spend any time together, it fosters a sense of ‘you’ and ‘me’ and diminishes the ‘us.’ The same husband in #3 above developed hobbies and interests outside of his marriage. Another husband I know works out of town 3 weeks of the month. Every weekend, he travels to a sporting event without his family. He sees his kids maybe one weekend a month. And he’s not single. Yet. I won’t be surprised when he leaves for good since he’s a member of that family in name only. He’s already checked out emotionally. It’s only a matter of time until he’s completely gone physically, too.

Okay, enough meddling for today! Back to our regularly scheduled rants.

 

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9/28/10

Book Talk Tuesday

I’m in Hawaii and through the magic of pre-scheduling this post will appear on its destined day.

And in honor of my getaway, here are a few books set in Hawaii.

HawaiiNovel.JPG

Hawaii by James Michener.  I haven’t read it. My husband did and he said it made the islands more real to him and he enjoyed our visit to the Polynesian Cultural Center even more.

Distant Echoes

Distant Echoes by Colleen Coble is the first of the four book Aloha Reef series. I’ve only read this first one and Coble does a great job of making the setting come alive for the reader. Highly recommended.

 

Murder In Hawaii

Murder in Hawaii by Steve Allen. I haven’t read this one, but I did read a couple of other Steve Allen mysteries and they were quite good, so I would read this one with no hesitation.

K.O.'d in the Volcano: A K.O.'d in Hawai'I Mystery (K.O.'d in Hawai'i Mystery series)

K.O’d in the Volcano is by Victoria Heckman, a casual acquaintance and friend of friends. She lives on California’s central coast and writes Hawaiian-set mysteries. I’ve heard good things about her books.

Aloha!

9/24/10

Fiction Friday: Curve Ball

Robin’s Place  in this chapter is based on a restaurant in Pasadena called Robin’s. It’s still there, but very changed in decor and menu. Still good. Just different.

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Chapter Fifteen

Sunday afternoon, Cami uncurled her legs from under her on the couch and stretched. She pulled out the elastic scrunchy holding her hair back and tossed it on the coffee table. She shook her head and ran cramped fingers through her hair. After draining her tea, she crumpled the napkin she used as a coaster and dropped it into the bottom of the mug. She gathered the rest of her lunch dishes to carry into the kitchen.

Thankfully, it had been a quiet weekend and she’d taken advantage of it to get caught up on her backlogged design magazines. Now she had a stack of articles pulled out of Paint Décor and an even taller pile to discard.

Grant had arrived yesterday morning, bearing bagels as promised. After telling him about the running shadow she’d seen, Grant crossed the street to examine the trees directly across from her front door. The jogger or stalker or whoever it was hadn’t left any identification or notes behind. By then, she’d decided she had imagined any intimidation and that she’d been frightened by an innocent late-night runner.

Afterwards, they spent an easy morning together and walked Petey around her block twice. Grant also joined her at church again that morning. He attracted a few stares, but most of the people remembered him from his years as a local kid and greeted him casually. He dropped their discussion of the last few days and regained his customary good humor. He was scheduled for shoulder surgery tomorrow.

The doorbell rang, startling her.

“Who is it?”

“Us, Miss Henderson. Kyle and Anthony.”

She unlocked the door and opened it. “Hi, guys. How are you?”

“We’re good,” Kyle said. “We stopped by ‘cause the baseball team is selling cookie dough, and we wondered if you’d like to help us out.” His hopeful eyes met hers.

“We’re trying to buy some more lights for the field,” Anthony added, handing her a brochure.

“What kinds are you selling?” And what kind does Grant like? She looked at the flyer to hide the amusement that thought provoked.

“There’s chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and sugar cookie.” Kyle’s expression turned puzzled.

She leaned against the doorframe, pretending to read about the finest California raisins used in the oatmeal recipe. “How are the SAT studying and vocabulary words going?” she asked, to change the subject.

“Okay, I guess. It’s hard to remember some of the Latin combinations,” Anthony said, his face in a permanent scowl of concentration.

“Like what?”

“Well, a means without, ab is away from, and abduc is lead from. So is abduction without something, away from something or leading from something?”

“What do you think?”

“I know abduction means kidnap, so… away from something?”

“Very good.” She handed the flyer back to Kyle. “I’ll take a tub each of the chocolate chip and the sugar cookies. Just a sec, I’ll get my purse.” She left them at the door and went to find her purse in the kitchen. Petey got up from his bed and walked to the living room. He made a low sound in his throat that in another dog would be a growl. “Hush, it’s a couple of the kids,” she said to the dog. “What’s bio mean?” she called as she pulled out her checkbook.

“I know ‘ology’ is ‘study of,’ and biology is life science, so I’m guessing life?” Kyle answered this time.

Cami smiled as she returned to the living room. “Oh.” The boys had come into the living room while she was in the kitchen. She’d figured them for the kind who would wait to be invited. She shrugged. “That’s right, bio means life. You’re going to do fine.” She handed Kyle a check.

Kyle tucked the order form and payment into his backpack. “Thanks, Miss Henderson. I’m not so sure. I’m might ask a teacher or someone for tutoring.”

“I don’t think you need it.”

“Maybe. I want all the help I can get.” He looked around the room. “Tara said you were going to ask Mr. Andrews about the ‘Where Are They Now?’ article.”

“He said he’d be honored.”

“How’s his shoulder?”

“He’s having surgery tomorrow and will start rehab after that. He’s planning to be back with the team in record time.”

Music came from Anthony’s pocket. Cami recognized the tinny notes of Unchained Melody­.

“Sorry. It’s Tara.” Turning pink, Anthony pulled his phone out, flipped it open, and stepped onto the porch.

“Can I ask you something?” Kyle fidgeted with the strap of his backpack.

“You may ask. I might not answer,” she said.

“Are you engaged to Grant Andrews?”

“No.” She blew out a breath and her shoulders sagged. “I understand that’s a rumor around school. I don’t know how it got started.”

“Okay. See you.” And he was out the front door, pulling Anthony down the steps behind him.

“Bye,” she said to the door slamming shut. She moved back to the table to take her dishes into the kitchen when she froze. That was odd. She was sure she’d left her hair band on the table with the magazines, but it wasn’t there. She started to shuffle through the articles thinking it must be mixed into the stack.

The phone rang, pulling her away from the search. This time, she remembered to check the caller ID before answering. Grant’s cell number. Her heart echoed the song on Anthony’s phone.

“Hi.”

“Hi, yourself. Did you get that paperwork finished?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Good. Come outside onto your front porch.”

Cami moved to the door and looked through the window before stepping out. Grant leaned against the Corvette at the curb. He held a mobile phone to his ear. She caught her breath at the sight of his long legs crossed in front of him, his lean waist, and powerful shoulders.

“I thought you were going to stay home and rest this afternoon,” she said.

“I did. But then I decided to come see you. I’m going under the knife tomorrow. Who knows what the future holds? I want to spend my last evening with you.”

“You make it sound like a life-threatening operation – a heart transplant or something, instead of a simple arthroscopic procedure. You won’t even stay overnight in the hospital.”

“What does a guy have to do to get a little sympathy from you?” He pushed off from the car and began the walk to her porch.

She smiled. “He has to have driven here using only one arm. I have lots of sympathy for those guys.”

He climbed the steps, but still spoke into his phone. “How ‘bout if I drove here using my knees, no hands at all?”

“Really? Knees only? I’m impressed.”

“You should be.” He stood in front of her. “Cornering is murder. I think my legs are gonna need rehab as well as my shoulder.”

She laughed and turned her phone off. “Come on in.” He followed her into the house while holstering his phone.

“What are you doing for dinner?” he asked.

“Nothing. What do you have in mind?”

“A drive to Huntington Beach, a bite at Robin’s Place, then maybe a stroll on the sand. We’ll revisit the parking lot where you left me in the metaphorical dust for the second time.”

“Why do you want to do that?” That was sweet of him, to plan an evening, especially his last night out before surgery. But did she feel pampered or trapped?

“I’m trying to be romantic and charming. I thought women liked that kind of thing.”

“We do.”

“Well?” he asked.

“Well, what?”

“‘Grant, what a wonderful idea. I’d love to spend your last evening before going under the knife at a romantic beachfront restaurant.’ That’s ‘well, what.’” Something crept into his voice. Injured pride? Irritation?

“I’m sorry. Of course, I’d love to go to dinner.” She explained her seeming reluctance, hoping to ease the hurt in his eyes. “I can’t get used to the idea that you want to spend time with me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

She worried her lip, trying to decide how to say this. “I still see myself as a mousy spinster, afraid of life beyond her front door. I said I’m not a victim anymore, but sometimes I still revert to that scared girl who almost gave up on life. And I wonder what you see in her.”

“I see a strong woman who’s been very hurt by some men in her life. And that makes me want to never disappoint her.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

“Well?”

“Grant, I would love to spend your last evening before going under the knife at a romantic beachfront restaurant. But don’t you have to fast before surgery?”

“Nothing to eat or drink after ten P.M., so I’ve got plenty of time. How soon can you be ready?”

“Fifteen minutes. If I can find the hair scrunchy I left with these magazines. I was looking for it when you got here.” She moved to the table and started looking under dishes and papers again. “It must have fallen into the cushions or under the couch or something. Oh, well. It’ll turn up. I’ll be right back.” She started up the stairs as Grant sat down.

Twelve minutes later Cami descended to find Petey stretched out on the couch with his nose on Grant’s knee.

“What’s this?” She put her hands on her hips.

“We’re waiting patiently. We’ve been talking about him keeping a better watch on things around here. He’s let too much get by him and he’s got to be more vigilant. I explained that and I think he understands what’s expected.”

She walked over and ruffled Petey’s fur behind his ears. “I’m glad to hear it. He growled a little at Kyle and Anthony earlier, but he didn’t bark or do anything to tell me someone was here. The door bell ringing was the first clue I had.”

“Why did they come by?”

“They were selling cookie dough to raise money for new lights at the ball field.”

“And you let them in?” His eyes bored into hers, his brow furrowed.

“Well, not really. They just came in.”

“And Petey growled? This dog, your big chicken, actually snarled?”

“It was more of a gravelly kind of rumble than a real growl. He didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Cami, you have to be careful. You shouldn’t let anyone in.”

“Then I guess you better leave.” How dare he tell her what to do or not do.

“You know what I mean.” His voice was quiet but intense.

“I’ve been living alone here for several years.” She could hear the shrill tone so she took a deep breath. “I have a highly developed sense of my own vulnerability. I’m not about to let just anyone in. But this was Kyle. And Anthony. Two of my students.”

“That’s not the point.”

“What is?”

“Some psycho is following and watching you every day and every moment. Ever thought about a roommate?”

“I used to have one and I hated it. When someone else lives in your home, they have a right to invite friends and family over. I couldn’t handle having strangers and other people in my house. I almost clobbered my last roommate’s brother with a frying pan in the middle of the night. We decided that I was better off living alone and she moved out. I’ve been happy and safe ever since.”

“Will you at least promise not to let anyone else in? Humor me.”

“All I can guarantee right now is that I’ll think about it.”

“Please do.” He patted Petey’s head and nudged the dog’s nose off his knee. “Get up buddy, we’ve got to go.” Petey lumbered off the couch and into the kitchen. A grunt came from that direction as he settled on his bed. “Ready?” Grant asked.

“Yes.” She hesitated as she picked up her purse. She looked inside it instead of at him. “Grant, I enjoy being with you and I think we have something. But…” her voice trailed off.

“Is this another chorus of ‘We’re too different’?”

“I’m wondering if the timing is wrong. Some nut is following me and you’re hurt and dealing with a stalled career and rehab. Are we crazy to do this?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to pull them back. What if he agreed?

“We’re crazy all right. But not for wanting a relationship. There will always be a reason to delay. If we weren’t dealing with a stalker and an injury, it would be something else. Maybe something worse.”

“But what could be worse?”

“Are you serious?” He paused before continuing. “Instead of a treatable injury, I might have a life threatening illness. And this whacko could have kidnapped you instead of sending flowers. Things can always be worse.”

“Are you the same guy who was angry at God a few days ago, sure you’d never play ball again?”

He shrugged. “I guess some of your optimism and trust in the Big Guy has gotten through to me.”

“I hope so.” She closed her purse and moved to the entryway. “I promise I won’t let anyone in. Unless I know them and feel safe with them in my home.”

He leaned past her to open the door with his good arm. “Thank you. And I promise not to question your decisions. Now, let’s go eat.”

9/22/10

Woe! It’s Wednesday

It’s been said that Christians are the only group that shoots its wounded.

I have to add, we’re also the ones who believe that if we fake it, eventually we’ll believe our own hype.

I’m talking about Christians who believe if they are vulnerable and real, it somehow gives God bad press. So they work double time on being perfect, to show the world how wonderful their life is and how God solved all their problems and all they have to do is sing praise songs all day.

What a bunch of hooey.

I get angry when someone cuts in front of me in traffic.

I cry and feel hurt when someone says something thoughtless.

I’ve been struggling with memories of past grievances. Snubs, gossip, and apathy have been shown to me. Even by members of my own church. I let go of the hurts a long time ago. Truly I did. Or I thought I did.

Recently I noticed that when I bump into one of those clueless persons, the first thought I have is of how they hurt either me or a member of my family.

I guess I thought I had forgiven and moved on, thought I could fake it. Apparently not.

So, years after the slight, which the person probably has no recollection of, how do I let go? I remind myself that God knows, and He cares.

And a little piece of me really hopes it’s true, that what goes around comes around. Of course, if it does, its likely the person who hurt me or someone close to me won’t even equate their hurt to what they did.

I wish that were okay, but a part of me really wants them to get it, to know that what they did or said was hurtful and it’s not all right, even years later.

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Today I’m praying for Evelyn, Linda, Abbie, and Amber.

Current book: I’m reading several for review, so stay tuned.

Last movie: 17 Again. Cute!

9/21/10

Book Talk Tuesday

I missed last week. Tuesday snuck up on me (sneaked? snacked? no…). Anyway, I got to thinking about stealth books.

Not mystery books in particular, but books that catch you by surprise. Unawares. You sit and open a book, expecting a pleasant few hours and POW, you’re hit in the gut with either beautiful writing, unforgettable characters, or a story so compelling you can’t put it down.

For me, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is one of those.

I recently read a young adult novel, Saint Training by Elizabeth Fixmer that I found unputdownable. I’ll be reviewing it soon on Author’s Choice reviews.

Saint Training book cover 

 

 

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9/17/10

Fiction Friday: Curve Ball

I love the two verses Cami and Grant talk about in this chapter.

Psalm 19:7 ‘The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul…making wise the simple.’

Proverbs 14:15 ‘A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.’

I should have those above my computer when I’m about to dash off an email response. Or a Woe! It’s Wednesday blog post.

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Chapter Fourteen

The ringing phone jerked Cami awake and she sat up. What…?

“It’s okay, let your answering machine get it.”

She whirled around, heart pounding, ready to kick and scratch. Grant sat beside her, a quizzical look on his face. Oh, yeah. The flowers.

Her shoulders sagged. “What time is it? How long have I been asleep? Was I hurting your shoulder?”

“It’s midnight. No, you were on my good side. You slept an hour or so.”

“You should have kept me awake. It’s too late for you to be here. And who’s calling me at midnight?” The machine finished its outgoing message and she waited for the caller to talk.

“Cami, are you there? It’s Kennie.” Cami leaned over to the phone at the end of the couch and picked up the receiver.

“Hi, Kennie. I’m here.” She watched Grant carry the tea mugs into the kitchen and rinse them out. “How are you?”

“Good. Busy. You know, the usual.”

“Why are you calling so late? What’s up?”

“You’re a night owl and I figured you would still be up so I called while I was thinking about it. I need some painting done in my office.”

“How soon?” Foreboding tickled the hair on her arms. She didn’t need new work right now but it would be tricky telling Kennie no.

“I know you’re busy, so I’m calling early for once. I don’t need the work done until the fall.”

The goose bumps subsided. “No problem. In a month or so I’ll come by and look at the space.”

“Wonderful. I’d be elevated and arid without you.”

“ ‘Elevated and arid’?”

“High and dry. I’m trying to increase my vocabulary and decrease my cliché’s.”

Cami laughed. “Thanks, I needed that. Oops, sorry. I required some levity at this moment in time.”

“Why?”

“Oh, Kennie, you don’t have the time and I don’t have the emotional resources left to tell you about it.”

“You’re scaring me.”

Cami sighed. “Okay, long story short: remember at our dinner, I told you about running into Grant Andrews and you all gave me a hard time about declining his invitation. So I said I’d think about dating.”

“Of course. And by the way, I know you only gave in so easily because you were sure you wouldn’t be asked.”

“Well, you should have known better. Paige did some maneuvering and we ran into him. She kind of chaperoned me through a dinner and a couple of meetings and we’ve been hanging out a little. That’s been…. Well, that’s another story. In the meantime, I seem to have picked up a stalker.”

“What?” Kennie’s voice tightened.

“I know, it’s like a bad episode of Full House – ‘Danny’s being stalked by a fan of Wake Up, San Francisco. Jesse and DJ work together to discover who’s sending gifts.’” Yes, a light and fun tone would cover the fear.

“Oh, Cami.”

“Except if it was television, it would turn out to be a misunderstanding and it was really Stephanie and Joey playing a practical joke.”

“How are you doing?”

“Not well. But tonight I decided I’m through being a victim. I’m not scared anymore, I’m mad. I think I’m alarming Grant though.” She looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. “Oops.” She forgot he was still there.

“What?”

“I gotta go. Everything’s fine. Love you, bye.” Cami hung up on Kennie’s cries to wait.

“How long were you listening?”

“Your kitchen is not at the other end of the house. I heard the whole conversation.”

“Uh oh.”

“You didn’t say anything wrong.”

“I didn’t?”

“No.” He chuckled and looked at her. “But I did wonder why you agreed to stay for dinner the same day you’d shot me down. Now I know it was because your friends nagged you into it.”

“Are you angry?”

“Of course not.” His mouth didn’t curve but his eyes danced. “I owe them chocolate and flowers. Speaking of which-” He picked up the vase of flowers and disappeared into the kitchen. She heard the waste can under the sink rattling, then the back door opening. A faint sound of trash being dumped into the garbage can reached her.

A minute later he returned and put his good hand on her shoulder. “Getting back to our conversation on the beach, no amount of wailing about our differing beliefs or trying to deny it will change anything. I’m crazy about you and I’m not going away.”

She put a hand on his arm, not sure if she should back away. “I wish I could believe everything is as simple as you say.”

“It’s a gift.”

“What?”

“You’ve heard of spiritual gifts, right?”

“Like teaching, service, and mercy?”

“There’s another, little known spiritual gift: simplicity. I’ve been given it in abundance.”

Cami laughed. “I don’t remember that one being mentioned anywhere in the Bible.”

“You never heard Psalm 19:7? ‘The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul…making wise the simple.’ That’s me, the simple wise.”

“How about Proverbs 14:15 then? ‘A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.’ Sounds to me like the simple are easily influenced.”

“Guilty. I’m influenced by beautiful women. Well, one particular woman.”

“Didn’t you say it was after midnight?”

“Are you changing the subject?”

“Yes.”

Grant leaned down and placed his lips on hers. A rush of confusion and gratitude surged through her. In spite of her crazy life, this man saw something worth pursuing. She finally relaxed into his kiss.

He released her after a long moment and opened the door.

“I’ll be back in the morning. Do you want bagels or donuts?”

“Bagels, please.”

Cami moved to the entryway and locked the door. She stood at the window and watched Grant drive away. She lingered in the window even after the Corvette’s tail lights disappeared.

What was she doing? She was supposed to be Miss Sure-of-Herself-and-of-Her-Faith. And somehow she’d ended up dating a famous athlete, who said he was crazy about her. And here she was whining about a problem women around the country would love to have. Women like Delia. Cami tucked a stray hair behind her ear and stared into the darkness.

But the dating-a-celebrity thing paled next to the real issue. Grant wasn’t a believer. She rested her forehead against the glass and closed her eyes. She never wanted to fall for him; it was supposed to be a casual thing to get her friends to back off. If she pretended she still believed they were just friends, maybe she could convince him. And he’d never know that he’d almost gotten to her. Maybe.

She turned out the light and was about to go upstairs when she decided to let Petey out for a pit stop. Her hand froze on the doorknob when a movement across the street caught her attention. A shadow peeled itself away and began to move behind the trees, fading into the dark. More as a reflex than a thought-out response, she jerked the door open and ran onto her front porch.

“Who’s there?” She yelled as the figure broke into a run. “Who are you? Show me your face!” She screamed in frustration as shadows merged and she lost sight of the running form. She stood on the porch, shaking with anger and fear, and shock at what she had just done. She hurried back inside and locked the door. Petey peeked out from the kitchen behind her and gave a tentative woof.

“Oh, now you bark, when he’s gone. Thanks so much for your protection. Why didn’t you stop me from rushing out there? That was so stupid, I can’t believe I did that. It has to be our secret.” The dog looked at her as his rear half waggled. Sighing, she headed to the kitchen and pushed Petey out the back door. She watched as he made a brisk run around the edge of her yard, pausing twice.

As the dog wandered around, she tapped her foot and reined in her thoughts. Nothing really happened. She lived across the street from a park. It was probably a jogger, stretching on a tree. And anyone would start running if they heard a shout in the middle of the night. Right?

Petey returned to the house. She locked up and set the alarm before going upstairs.

9/15/10

Woe! It’s Wednesday

 

I made a random observation on Facebook and it generated so many comments it appears I may have hit on something.

I said, “If you have to tell me you’re not being presumptuous, trust me, you are.”

Friends added their own observations.

“If you start with, ‘I don’t mean to offend…’ then trust me, you do.”

“To tell the truth…” means either 1) they don’t usually speak the truth or 2) what they’re about to say is not truth. It could also mean both 1 & 2.

So, I’d like to add to my Trust Me lexicon:

If you have to tell me you’re not being rude, trust me, you are.

If you have to tell me you’re not being selfish, trust me, you are.

If you have to tell me you’re not being arrogant, trust me, you are.

If you have to tell me you’re actually very sorry, trust me, you’re not.

In other words, if you have to tell me anything with words, I’m probably going to have reservations.

Instead, show me. With actions.

Do something thoughtful.

Say something edifying.

Be an encourager.

Live like you mean it.

Then, if you have to preface something you say, I’m more likely to listen and believe you.

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Today I’m praying for my cousin Linda. Her husband passed away yesterday.

Last book: Saint Training by Elizabeth Fixmer – a delightful YA novel that I’ll be reviewing on Author’s Choice reviews.

Last movie: Eat, Pray, Love – I have to give it that dreaded “Not as good as the book” rating.