Life in a Cast...

... is the pits.

At first, I looked for the silver lining, figuring I'd learn humility and patience, letting others take care of things for me, as well as take care of me.

Yeah. I'm over it.

I've spent 5+ weeks on the sidelines of life, watching others cook, clean, and drive.

Maybe because the pain isn't bad anymore, I'm ready to get up off the couch and do something. I cleaned a toilet last week. It felt good. I couldn't quite stretch to reach the whole bathroom mirror, but the bottom 2/3s of it was really clean.

Being pampered is awesome in small doses. At a spa. On your birthday. But in day to day life, I'd rather do it myself, thank you very much.

Praying for: Amy, Amber, Tom, Kristi, Columbine families 10 years after

Currently reading: Revision and Self-Editing by James Scott Bell

Last movie: Whatever I said last

Last meal: Breakfast strata, fruit, coffee

International Phenom

I first saw the video of Susan Boyle Sunday evening. By Tuesday everyone was talking about it. It's been on the web and television. Ms Boyle was interviewed by Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America today. I've seen the video a dozen times so far.

The first time, I thought it amazing and got a little choked up. You'd think the tear factor would lessen with more watching.

Wrong. It's getting worse.

I was in full cry today watching it on GMA.

I think it's watching this woman, unassuming in appearance, with a tremendous confidence. She's not bothered by the laughs and condescension she was getting when she strode onto the stage. Then she opened her mouth and the confidence made perfect sense.

But she didn't swagger off or smirk even a little. She was genuinely thrilled that the judges and audience agreed with her estimation: she has a voice worth listening to.

What a change from so many of the American Idol wannabes. Their confidence is often misplaced.

So how do you know? How do you know if you've got the talent to make your dream come true?

I'm told I'm a good writer. My mentors, teachers, critiquers say I'm going to make it. For my purposes, "making it" means publishing a novel with a traditional royalty paying publishing house.

I think my stuff is publishable. I know I'm not Anne Lamott. Or Janet Evanovich. But I think I do a pretty darn good Carrie Padgett.

I'd be curious to know if Susan Boyle ever doubted her talent. Or if she's always been certain that she'd a singer and she just had to wait for the right time and venue to see her purpose fulfilled.

It's a joy to watch Ms Boyle's dreams come true as she opens her mouth and turns scoffers into fans. I'll watch it again. And cry again.

What's Up With That?

We're all delicately balanced pieces of craftsmanship.

David's physical self has to be perfectly balanced or he feels sick. His finetuning is to the extent that if he has 12 ounces of coffee in the morning, instead of his usual 16, he'll get a headache. The next day.

I'm more about the emotional balance. When I'm sick or in pain, it takes all of my coping tank to deal with ordinary things. If something extra comes up, I'm on empty and it overwhelms me. I cry, I mope, I can't deal. Which is how I know something is going on.

I've been in pain off and on for the last 4 weeks. I'm on a vicious cycle of feeling good for 2-3 days, then being stopped by crippling pain. The pain pills work, so it's not like I'm lying around in agony. But if I watch a sentimental movie or get a nice phone call from a friend, or David or a family member folds my laundry, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and struck by what a miserable selfish horrible person I am.

No balance. So, this week, I'm working toward finetuning my pain management with my emotions.

And let me know if this video moves you like it did me. Or am I just a lost cause? This had me weeping.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY



Praying today for: Amber, Tom, Joyce, Katie and Mel

Currently reading: Revision and Self-Editing by James Scott Bell

Last movie: Facing the Giants

Last meal: Leftover lamb and roasted potatoes