Sometimes, I wish I wasn't such a nice person.
Sometimes, I'd like to not turn the other cheek, to give back as good as I got.
Sometimes, I'd like to tattle, to point a finger, to say "Aha! I knew it!!"
But, I'm cursed with goodness.
I don't mean I've never done anything wrong or hurt someone's feelings or said something I shouldn't have.
But I've never done it deliberately. I've never said something designed to hurt the other person as much as possible. I've never snubbed someone on purpose.
I always give the benefit of the doubt. I make excuses for others' behavior.
I'm getting awfully tired of it.
Recently, I've been hurt in a public and deliberate manner. I've been talked about behind my back. I've been ignored and I'm pretty certain that I've been passive/aggressively snubbed in a manner designed to be sure I knew it.
I want to do the same thing back. I want justice and fairness.
But, my God and my conscience won't let me.
I've struggled with how "nice" I have to be when someone is mean to me. In the past, I not only turned the other cheek, I lay down and let them leave scuff marks all over my cute ruffled blouse.
I've recently decided that I don't have to do that anymore. I'm a beloved child of God and God doesn't want His beloved to have footprints on her back.
I'm worth more than that to God, so I should be worth more than that to myself.